Check out this post which includes Rachael Wolff the author of Letters from a Better Me
Controlling men can hide behind the illusion of taking care of another person or thing. The red flags come up when they start talking as if they are above what they are doing and who they are doing it for.
Authentic giving doesn’t make the recipient feel less than, but a controlling man needs a person to feel less than in order to control them.
A person must have a strong self-concept, healthy boundaries, and consider the source to effectively deal with a controlling man.
You should have a strong and healthy self-concept
The healthier you are inside, the less effect a controlling man will have over you. Your greatest tools come from within because whatever way you treat yourself is projected out and will be reflected back.
A healthy self-concept can keep us from being dominated by others because, in order to be dominated, we must first shrink down.
Our body language says a lot about our self-concept. When dealing with a controlling man, your body must reflect self-confidence. You need to remain confident to speak your truth.
You need to develop and maintain healthy boundaries
If a controlling man doesn’t see you as an equal, he has power. If you have clear, strong, and healthy boundaries, he will match your respect for yourself or distance himself from you.
This doesn’t mean a controlling man won’t try to attack, but it means when you don’t respond to his attack by cowering, he will know he has the choice to change his behavior or move on.
If you need to call him out, ask questions instead of making defensive statements. If he brings out our wounded child, he wins (in his mind).
Consider the source
Consider the source is one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten when it comes to dealing with difficult people. Healthy people don’t seek control over others.
If he is saying things to try to make you feel less than, don’t take it in. It’s not personal. What he is doing is about him, not you. He only has an idea of you, and he is looking at you through skewed lenses.
Doing these three things helps in both personal and professional relationships, but a healthy self-concept can’t be faked. A controlling man will see through any façade and work even harder to break a person down.
Be true to you and know that you are enough, just as you are.
How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World
THE EMPOWERED WOMAN follows the belief system that is best explained in a quote by Byron Katie: “The most attractive thing about the Buddha was that he saved one person: himself. That’s all he needed to save; when he saved himself, he saved the whole world.”
The letters work in different ways depending on the chapter and part of the book.