Chelsea Hanson, author of The Sudden Loss Survival Guide, has released several wonderful self-care tips and also has a message on a certain word you should avoid.
In grief and daily life, there are a lot of “shoulds” and musts imposed by yourself and others.
The word “should” often carries feelings of shame and guilt with it. It’s often an internal way to beat yourself up for not meeting the unrealistic, demanding expectations you may impose on yourself.
Whenever, I hear myself say the word “should,” I consider it a red flag to my well-being.
Try this daily self-care tip: Examining Your Shoulds
1. When you tell yourself that you should or must do something, stop and examine your thought.
2. Then, ask yourself, “Whose standard is this?” or “Whose instruction book am I following?”
3. Next, ask yourself what you really want to do. It will likely be something different. For example, you might think, “I should make that phone call, but I really want to take a nap.”
4. To counteract your “should” statements, substitute the word “could.” The idea that you “could” do something is more liberating and implies you have a choice. This cultivates self-kindness because you are using a loving, forgiving tone in your self-talk.
Practice talking to yourself like you would to your best friend or someone you truly loved.
How can you be more aware of your self-talk today?
Seven Essential Practices for Healing Grief (Grief and Bereavement Book)
The audience for The Sudden Loss Survival Guide includes readers who have suffered the unexpected loss of a beloved person. These losses occur from natural causes, undiagnosed medical conditions, accidents, road crashes, suicides, natural disasters, and acts of violence.
The readers are college-educated adults who are interested in self-help, continual learning, and balanced lifestyles. They read at least four books per year and keep them on their bedside or living room tables for easy access.