How to Handle it When Your Brain Thinks Horrible Thoughts

Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughter author Karen C.L. Anderson has advice on what to do when your brain thinks bad thoughts.

A lot of you had comments about this podcast episode and asked some version of this question: How do I stop my brain from (as you put it) “offering up thoughts?” I would love to hear if you have any tips that have helped you quiet your mind after an interaction that hits a nerve.

Dear Adult Daughter…

You don’t.

Your brain is going to offer up ALL THE THOUGHTS.

The only reason you want your brains to stop is because you think it’s a problem that it doesn’t stop. You think it’s a problem because when your brain offers you thoughts you don’t like, you feel uncomfortable sensations in your body and you make that mean all kinds of terrible things.

What if it wasn’t a problem?

And? If you really want an action step – something you can DO when your brain offers up unpleasant thoughts – try this:

Thank it for it’s input.

Ask yourself if you want to believe it.

Put some space between it and you (“I’m having the thought that….” and then “I’m noticing that I’m having the thought that…”)

Notice how much time and energy you spend resisting uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.

Notice how much time and energy you spend thinking that life will only be okay when you no longer think and feel that way.

Notice how much freedom and relief you experience when you no longer see this as a problem.

Much, much love,


P.S. I recorded a podcast to go along with this Love Note, in case you’d like to hear me talk a little bit more about it.

Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters

A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (Narcissistic Mother or Borderline Personality Disorder, Mother Daughter Relationship Book)

Difficult mother? The best news on the planet is that your mother doesn’t have to change in order for you to be happy. In fact, author Karen C.L. Anderson will take it a step further and say, your difficult mother doesn’t have to change in order for you to be free, peaceful, content, and joyful.

Get Our Latest News

Enter your email address below and subscribe to our newsletter