I CAN’T CHANGE YOU, YOU CAN’T CHANGE ME

Check out this post by Rachael Wolff author of Letters From A Better Me

My beliefs have never been changed by force. Each perspective of truth (belief) I’ve changed in my life has been based on if that belief serves the person I want to be and how I want to serve others. When I was younger, I didn’t consciously see my choice in how I viewed myself and the world around me.

Certain beliefs made me feel tense, angry, and rage-filled. When I would think about the thought/belief, my whole energy shifted and I often would feel sick and depleted. It took me a VERY long time and a whole lot of seeds from other people that got me to see I was making choices in my perspectives that were holding me back and keeping me prisoner.

There were some so deeply imbedded that it took voices from the Holocaust like, Viktor Frankl & Elie Weisel. Along with people like, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Byron Katie, and stories about Jesus and Siddhartha to help me see that I didn’t HAVE to continue to feel this inner world of pain. Those people were just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve talked to millions of people throughout my life. I read thousands of books. Nobody changed me, but I got the seeds and made choices on what to plant in my internal garden.

When I was young, I thought the world was against me. That belief didn’t feel good to me, because I can’t control how anyone else views me. 

WHAT I DO HAVE POWER OVER IS HOW I VIEW AND TREAT MYSELF AND HOW I TREAT OTHERS.

If I’m believing something that makes me feel like a prisoner of my perspective, I work on changing that. I found that EVERY time I engage in a perspective based out of fear, I feel like I’m a prisoner. Here is an example of another change I made:

I USED TO FEEL LIKE A PRISONER WHEN OTHER PEOPLE WOULD JUDGE ME BASED ON A CATEGORY/TITLE THEY GAVE ME OR THAT I AM NATURALLY.

I changed my perspective to the understanding that people are going to judge me from their own perspectives of truth. That has nothing to do with who I AM. I know if someone speaks to me in a category of ALL: all women, all trauma victims, all white women, etc. that person won’t come close to seeing me, a person is only ever looking at me through their own perspectives of truth. If they want to lump me in an ALL category— That is their loss.

I LOVE AND RESPECT MYSELF. I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND ACCOUNTABILITY FOR MY THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, ACTIONS, AND REACTIONS.

IN THAT ENERGY, I FEEL FREE. In that freedom, I attract amazing people to my life from different genders, races, cultures, religious followings, political backgrounds, economic statuses, and so much more.The more open I stay, the more I change and grow. Not by force, by choice and action.

Though, no one else changed me, I didn’t change on my own. I got the opportunities to SEE through different perspectives. I got the tools to change. I could only do that by being open to listen to ALL different perspectives to see what fit and what didn’t based on the place I wanted to live from, which is FROM A LOVING PLACE. I’ve disagreed with many of people along the way who tried telling me how I “had to” or “should” think. I know that is part of their journey. I don’t have to make it mine.

I know from my education in science, religion, psychology, spirituality, and personal growth, I can’t project out what I don’t already have inside. If I wanted to live from a loving place, I had to love myself FIRST. I had to experience love from the source of self to even know what I was projecting out to the world. I had to find the voices of leadership through love and not fear.

I can’t make anyone else change, but I will do my best to project the energy that I want to see more of in the world. I will do my best to give the people who want to listen the same opportunities I got. I will listen to the voices of the unheard, and learn and grow from them.

I will keep choosing to do my best to contribute to LOVE in my thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions towards myself and others. You do you! I will be here to representing my perspectives of truth FROM A LOVING PLACE.


Letters From a better me

How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

THE EMPOWERED WOMAN follows the belief system that is best explained in a quote by Byron Katie: “The most attractive thing about the Buddha was that he saved one person: himself. That’s all he needed to save; when he saved himself, he saved the whole world.”

The letters work in different ways depending on the chapter and part of the book.