Emily Threatt, author of Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, has written a new blog post on finding love after a heartbreaking loss, take a look.
I was married to Jacques for 22 years. We had so many things in common and many differences. We loved theatre and music. We loved deep, long conversations. We loved to laugh. We loved to travel. We loved to entertain. We had any amazing life together.
I came to Jacques with fragile self-esteem after a long relationship where I couldn’t seem to do anything right, I was an embarrassment, and I wasn’t smart enough. Jacques saw the real me. He told me I was beautiful. He was amazed at the many talents I had an would introduce me as a renaissance woman. He loved me deeply. With all this, it took me awhile to totally believe him. But I did eventually and even was appointed as a commissioner to the Self Esteem Commission in our county. Working on the commission, I grew to recognize my strengths and grew strong while helping others.
Jacques and I worked on many theatre productions together and he sang in a quartet that I managed. He was a bioethicist, and we worked together to support people who were grieving. We had a wonderful life. His last two years were a physical struggle, so I donated my business to a non-profit organization and stayed home to take care of him. When he died, I was crushed and had no idea how to go on.
After much self-care and dedication, I was ready to be open to new experiences. When I met Ron, I was amazed how much we had in common in spite of our differences. I surprised myself by starting to date him. As much as I liked him, I was conflicted because although the traditional marriage vows say “until death do you part,” I had a hard time letting go of the idea that I had committed to Jacques forever, and I didn’t feel unmarried. When Ron told me I was a renaissance women, I took that as a message from Jacques.
After Ron and I had been together happily for four years, I woke up on December 26, 2010 and realized that New Year’s Day would be 1/1/11. When Ron awoke, I told him about that date and said wouldn’t that we a great wedding date? He immediately said yes, and that he’d make all of the arrangements. We put on an amazing wedding and reception, and we were married 6 years before he died.
I am grateful he was patient with me all those years before we married. And I am grateful that I was able to realize that there is so much love in my heart that I was able to share it with two wonderful men. Although you may think you will never love again, being open to possibilities can provide beautiful opportunities for you. I wish you love in every form.
Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief
A Comprehensive Guide to Reclaiming and Cultivating Joy and Carrying on in the Face of Loss
Rediscover sustained moments of joy as you seek a new way of being in the world. Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief guides and lightens the journey to positivity for those who feel the pain of loss, whether it is the loss of a loved one, a job, a marriage, a house, a pregnancy, a nest egg―anyone or anything that we loved and that is no longer in our lives. In this book, author and fellow griever Emily Thiroux Threatt provides you with strategies to embrace the process of learning how to start living again.